It was 5 years ago today that the love of my life and I figured out that we had a thing for each other. It was exhilarating. It was terrifying.
I’d dated. I knew what
I was doing. I also knew that I was
holding out for perfect (for me) and let men go as soon as I realized they
weren’t that guy. And here I’d been
lusting after this guy for 6 months, orchestrating how to spend time with him
for 3, and was desperately hoping he wasn’t going to let me down.
That first night we ended up on the balcony at dawn,
watching BOB (big orange ball) come up over the field. He was directly behind me in his comfy work
hoodie, with one arm on either side of me.
He was smoking, and at one point I lean into him and looked up into his
profile. The big man, the comfortable
hoodie, the scrubby face, even the cigarette… it was everything I’d ever
wanted, and thought I’d never have.
When I need to find my peace, I still go back to that place.
Then, a week later, he found out he’d gotten a job that
required travel. A lot of travel.
I went home and cried.
And moaned. And asked why
me. I’d done the distance thing. I’ve left men because of the distance. I did not want to do the distance.
And then I saw how much this job meant for him, and I couldn’t
ask him to give it up for me. Me, who
still considers anyone who actually enjoys what they do for a living to be
lucky. He had a chance at enjoying his
life – he had to take it.
And so the question became, do I stay? I sat on my deck and looked at the stars
(which was highly prophetic of the way we would spend our favorite nights later
in our relationship). I thought of who
he was, who I am, what I want life to be.
The thought occurred to me, This man could take you on the ride of your
life, if you let him.
I let him.
6 weeks later the only place he slept (outside of a hotel)
was my bed. 3 months after that I left
my job, mostly so I’d have weekends off and actually get to see him. On his first long-distance assignment we fell
into the habit of talking every night and visiting every weekend. We never stopped. He officially moved in with me when he was
spending 5 nights a week in a hotel 200 miles away. And on two separate occasions we were at the courthouse
for other reasons, looked at each other and said, “Should we…” and decided to
wait for our families.
My life today is nowhere near where I thought it’d be 5
years ago. I discovered everything life
could be with him. I lost all of our
plans and our lives when I lost him. And
I’ve spent 3 years getting back to the place where I can even confront the idea
of a future again. But one thing hasn’t
changed: we still love each other.
One of my books calls it Plan A(mazing). It’s not your Plan A. It’s not even your Plan B. It’s what you come up with after. And it will be amazing.
If a mere 5 years in life can take me on this ride, who
knows what the next 5 will bring. But
one thing I already know: I am thrilled, beyond belief, that I let that man
take me on the ride of a lifetime. We had
a blast, it was worth it, and yes, Babe, you’re still my favorite. Life maybe didn’t go quite as we’d planned,
but I wouldn’t have missed knowing you for the world. I love you, and thank you for loving me.
