Occasionally, you're bound to run across insensitive people in this world, but in the last week I've gotten three variations of the same insult.
"Why are you still wearing a ring if he's dead?"
Let's skip for a second that it's my body and style, therefore I am the only one who gets a voice in it, and thus "because I want to" is a fair answer. Let's get to the deeper answers.
Because he was such a huge part of my life I can't bring myself to remove it.
Because it makes me feel connected to him on a daily basis. It's what I rub if I'm feeling anxious, if I need to talk him. If I'm thinking about him, talking about him, missing him. It's my talisman.
Because he's dead, not our relationship.
Because I'm loyal.
Because I love him.
Because we did not break up. He simply died.
But the root of the answer is this: Because I'm ME. This is how I choose to relate to my deceased spouse, this is how I choose to remember him, this I how I choose to relate to him. These are not your choices. They are no one else's decision to make. A number of his buddies got tattoos in remembrance. I have not. I wear a ring. Not everyone wears a ring, and it means absolutely nothing about how they relate to their deceased spouse. This is simply who I am.
And I refuse to remove it simply because he's dead.
(and pssst... I've worn a ring on the finger since I was 16. On a certain level, it's simply the finger where I wear rings.)
