And Year Five sucked.
That's all there is to it. Someone recently pointed out to me that sometimes we live in our heads a little too much and the impact becomes more intense. Um... yeah, that's me. But Year Five is finally over!! And here's the thing - I couldn't see a Year Five when this happened. When I thought, well what would be an acceptable time to mourn, five years seemed like too long, even to me. And here it was.
Being done with Year Five now, I do feel like a weight is lifted. I do feel like things have settled into my new life. I can look around my house and recognize that it's not the house he knew anymore. Granted, many of the things I've changed are things we wanted in our someday home. But as long as this is where I'm living, why not make my someday right now?
To catch up chronologically... New Year's Eve was great - work and then football all New Year's Day, Valentine's I hit a hard point that more or less lasted until just have his anniversary. Vacation in March was grand to get away (as always), see a good friend, most of my family, and look at an ocean for a while. His anniversary was refreshingly normal, then just one melt-down a week later (I'm allowed). Likewise our anniversary was normal and... here we are.
This is my life. They say it comes in time, and I still think I'm too tied up in him to be completely healthy, but that is why I've reached out lately to try to figure out if I am or if I just have unreal expectations. I'm loving my job, what I do for a living and where I am geographically. I realized on vacation how much of my joy comes out of traveling, so I'm trying to make that happen more. And my reading list is insane.
That's what life looks like, today.
