Why I, as an Introvert, Love Facebook

Facebook gets lots of abuse, and I get that.  People think it’s replaced real interactions (although people are now arguing just as vocally that Facebook interactions are as “real” as face-to-face interactions), we get in Facebook fights where we fling mud at our friends’ friends whom we’ve never met and know nothing about, and when we only see what people choose to share about their lives, we forget that they, too, are dealing with workplace drama, car troubles, kids misbehaving, etc etc.

But I love Facebook.  And I’m an introvert.  Which may actually be WHY I love Facebook – it allows me to choose my interactions.  There’s no one in my face demanding a response.  I can choose whether or not to comment.  I can choose who can comment on my posts.  I can choose who can see my posts.  Granted, I’m prepared to back up everything I say in a court of law, but I make full use of my privacy settings, and thus Facebook actually allows me to be exactly as introverted as I choose to be.  I choose to share certain things with the general public, some with only people who know me, people who support me, or simply my friends and family.  And Facebook doesn’t get in my face, demanding that I share more of myself than I want to.

Also, Facebook allows me to enjoy other people.  (Yeah, introversion doesn’t mean I hate people – haven’t you read all the pro-introversion articles & books lately?)  People are, quite possibly, the most fascinating creation ever.  Seriously, God knew what He was doing when He made us.  And I hope He is sitting up there getting a kick out of everything we do!  In the same way I sit here, keep up with the 200 or so people I’m actually interested in “keeping tabs” on, and am not obligated to respond in any society-ordained-“appropriate” way.  It’s like a great movie.

Facebook exposes me to new things.  I devour news & books.  And most the time, if I read about new concept, article or movement these days, it’s on Facebook.  It’s because a friend shared a link or a story and I clicked over to something.  I can not turn on my TV all day, but I check my Facebook feed.  It keeps me updated.

It keeps me connected.  At times, I need to hibernate.  I don’t want to talk to people.  It’s not that I’m not concerned or interested.  It’s that actual vocal interaction takes something out of me that reading a post – even responding to a post – does not. 

It allows me to communicate.  Need to get something out to everyone who’s concerned about what’s up with my life?  Yup, Facebook.  Usually utilizing one of the afore-mentioned lists of people who have supported me in life, and not a public broadcast.

It allows me to screen out people who are draining or toxic.  I can choose to not “follow” people, and restrict what they see of me to only what I’m comfortable sharing with the public.  I use these settings.  It makes my interactions so much simpler, more fulfilling, and cuts out 99% of my life’s drama.

Facebook allows me to put my best foot forward and reminds me of how awesome I am.  I don’t have to share that I was screaming into my pillow last night because the grief hit me so bad.  I don’t have to share that so-and-so told me I’m a horrible human being for enforcing rules at work.  I don’t have to share that someone just insulted me to my face or behind my back.  All I have to share is what I choose – and I choose to highlight the things I love.  The things I love about my life and my self.  So when I am having a downer day – and who doesn’t? – all I have to do is scroll back through my own highlight reel, and I remember how awesome I am.

For that – for all of that – Facebook is fabulous.

On Ordination and Marriage

Part I

So last night I became an ordained minister.

Yup.

It’s just as easy as you hear.  You go online (theamm.org), enter your legal name, accept their terms of service, which include that you agree with their 3 tenets, and they issue you a certificate and letter of good standing.  They are a legal non-profit operating out of Washington, and thus can ordain according to their own beliefs and such an ordination is legal.

And thus I, the woman who never got legally married, is legally able to solemnize the union of anyone I choose.

Due partly to my upbringing in a Conservative Christian Church and partly to who I am as a person of integrity and spirituality, I’ve never taken religion or faith lightly.  This is part of why I was so offended when the CCC minister told me I was going to hell if I resigned as a church member.  From a church who told me I could never be a pastor simply because I was a woman, a church who doesn’t welcome anyone to the Lord’s Supper unless they have proof they are also a member of that same synod, and a church who told my younger sister she was going to hell for being in a bisexual relationship.

Because I was taught as a child to have a personal relationship with God.  I was taught Jesus loved us all.  I was taught if we repent our sins and accept Jesus as our Savior, we are a part of His family and someday will join Him in heaven.  How the church that taught me all this personal salvation and love is the same one as the church who decreed everyone who doesn’t agree with them is going to hell, I don’t know.  I can’t explain that.  But I’m thrilled that when I had my crisis of faith, I retained my belief in God and went back to what I was taught as a child – God exists, He loves us, He sent Jesus to earth so we may be saved, learn how to live, and love.  That’s what I’ve believed and attempted to live by for most of my life now.  That God is love, and while churches may be the worldly representation of God, they can be wrong as often as they are right.

And because I do take my faith seriously, when I went to see if I could get ordained last night, I read all the tenets.  I read all the terms of agreement – ALL of them.  These are the 3 main tenets:

1. All people, regardless of race, gender, or sexual orientation, have the right to marry.
2. It is the right of every couple to choose who will solemnize their marriage.
3. All people have the right to solemnize marriage.

And I found nothing I disagreed with, so I clicked through.  And thus, I became an ordained minister.

I’ll be marrying my baby sister at the end of July.  I’m more than a little awestruck.

Part II

I’ve always been the girl who didn’t believe in marriage, but really it’s more complicated than that.

I believe in marriage too much.

I believe that marriage is between two people, is a permanent commitment not to be taken lightly, and can be the greatest blessing in the human experience.

I hate that people treat marriage casually, as one thing to check off on their checklist of life, as an achievement.  I hate that the wedding day attracts so much attention that the party often overshadows the commitment.  I hate that we heap so much money and attention on what should be the most solemn moment of a person’s life.

I hate that a marriage isn’t “real” until it’s legally recognized by the government.  I firmly believe a marriage is between two people – and their deity of choice, should they choose.  I do not believe the government gets a say in what is a real union and what is not.  I hate that legal marriages get benefits that real-but-not-legally-recognized unions don’t.  It’s a huge piece of who I am that I hate other people trying to tell me how to live my life; my reaction to the government telling me what I have to do to be legally married is knee-jerk reaction to that.

I love the concept of marriage.  That two people agree to spend the rest of their lives together, loving and supporting each other regardless of what hardballs life throws their way.  I love the idea that there’s one person who’s going to be by your side no matter what.

I hate that some people walk away when the going gets hard.  I hate that some people don’t think it through before they make the commitment, only to realize later that they made a mistake and walk away then, often destroying the partner who did think it through and wanted that commitment.  I hate that some people seem simply unable to keep their vows, and hugely respect those who stay together and figure it out.

I do believe that marriage is a solemn commitment.  I believe it takes effect the moment those two people agree to spend the rest of their lives together.  I remember that moment on our deck, when we both said this was it.  We paused a moment, then I said, “Babe, did we just get married?”  He looked into the dark for a moment, then back at me, “Yeah, I think so.”  And that was it.  Just us and the universe.

I get that a wedding is a celebration.  I get that some people are so thrilled to be committing their lives that they WANT to share that moment with everyone they know.  The day you make that commitment SHOULD be the most important day of your life.  Unfortunately, it often comes off more as a “I’ve achieved this checkmark in my life!” than “I’m thrilled I’m committed to this person forever!”

Never should a party overshadow the commitment that is taking place, never should you forget that you are committing your life to this person and your life is no longer solely yours to do with as you choose.  As marriage is a union, your life is now subject to another person’s wants and desires as much theirs is to yours, and compromise and a true love – that of putting another person’s happiness above your own – is your new way of life.  And if you’re not ready for that, you’re not ready for your marriage.

It’s not that I don’t believe in marriage.  It’s that I believe too much.