Because 5 years later, he still didn’t get me a birthday card. I think that’s what preempted this… I had a birthday, and while I received cards, Facebook notes and even a couple gifts, he wasn’t here to make it special.
And the worse thing about grief (okay, one of them) is that
everything that’s supposed to be fun and celebratory is automatically sad
because I can no long share it with him.
Or the way I want to celebrate involves him and …. Well…
So my patience ran out, one of my dear employees stopped me
and said, “You know you can’t talk to people like that,” I cried at work for
the first time at this job, and then I gave up trying.
That’s what I always forget.
I feel it coming on, so I try to keep going – keep doing life, keep my
attitude up, keep being me. But when I
finally started relaxing, when I finally started feeling like I might survive
this wave was when I gave up. I had a
couple cigarettes, more Diet Coke, and a few bites of junk food. I gave up the diet, the healthy living, and
said, “Today is successful because I managed to leave the house” and left it at
that.
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