New Happy

They say our lives are trying to get back to the one place in life where we were happiest.

I know I've reverted to this several times.  First, finding what was my happy (which largely involved getting rid of everything that was not until I was left with... "Oh, this is perfect").  Then, almost a decade later, after years of trying to do the adult thing, came sitting down and saying "But that was perfect... and I can do most of it again."  As life evolved and added things I hadn't had when I was younger, my happy got better.  Then it all ended, and I spent a year grasping at anything to keep it, a year being mad, a year finding my badassery (that's a word), then going back to what I could count on.

But there are new things in my life I couldn't have when I was younger - or variations I couldn't have when I was younger.  I'm wiser, I've learned, I've discovered little things that should make me happy don't and I no longer apologize if what my happy is isn't what consensus declares it should be.

And it occurs to me today, I'm no longer trying to get back to an old happy, but tentatively exploring a new one.  Some things are the same, some are different.  Some have come back into my life after a long absence, something things are slowly fading out.

It's a good feeling, after living several different lives, to realize my new happy is yet to come.  To be able to feel it developing... well this is just fun.