I like my life

November 19, 2019

I kind of like my life.

I like my peace, my time.

I like that I have no one nagging me, that I’m answerable to no one.

I like my life, I love that I can do what I want when I want.

I love that I live on a lake, in the country.  It’s peaceful.  So peaceful.  And I can be downtown in 20 minutes.

I love that I’m engaged in life.  I didn’t tune out.  I want to know what’s going on and I keep myself informed. I get curious and find an answer.

I can take care of myself.  That, in itself, is a huge blessing.  I keep myself sane, and that allows me to work for a living and cover my bills.  Which in turn grants me the freedom I love, so really so much if it comes down to that resiliency.

Sobriety

May 21, 2019

I sat with myself.  I sat with my reasons and stripped it down.

I drank for boredom, for stress, to relax, to have fun, to fit in.

It gave me a buffer on reality.

Turns out, my sad is sadder than I thought.

My sober mornings are more glorious than I thought.

My blinders were stronger than I knew and removing them showed me some sadness and disappointment I’d rather not see.

My blinders had me focusing on positivity so much I forgot to acknowledge the disappointments and the let downs

I forgot disappointment is a part of life, too, and it’s ok to feel that way.

The caveat, I doubt I could’ve handled the reality of disappointment, there was so much else I had to sort and figure out first.  This is simply the next stage of my being: people let you down, and that’s ok.

Being fully present in life is better than consistently being half dulled.

Allowing the complexities of human beings allows their full existence.

Solitude

Thoughts from a year ago:

Solitude: Apr 14, 2019

What would you want to do with all your time? 

Sit, read, meditate, look at the lake, not do yardwork or housework.  Go for walks and yoga.

You can say I’m a very low energy person, but my energy matches nature.  It matches the ebb and flow of the season, the growth and the dormancy.  I relish that.

I relish looking at nature and feeling connected and knowing there’s a greater reason, purpose, and connection to it all.  I appreciate being able to feel that connection - not everyone can.  A slow life and a reflective life allows me to feel that so deeply and that’s what erp gives meaning to my life.

Crazy.... it’s not the kids, the subs, the friends, they’re all fine and dandy and they do liven it up a bit, but really when I want my soul to be a peace and reassurance that none of it’s a waste, it all means something, and it’s going somewhere, I go to nature.  And I go alone

I go to Waldon Pond.  I sat on Waldon Pond (with “On Waldon Pond”!) and reflected.  That may be what I feel the most of on my lake.  The same lake that’s fed people body and mind for millennia feeds me.  I’m blessed to be able to live here, I blessed to have the finances to live the life I want to live, so I need to live the life that matters most to me.

Sober, reflective, meditative, worthy, trusting that my path is my way.

People are good entertainment, but so few actually add value.  It’s far better to live a life that rings true to the heart.