Sobriety

May 21, 2019

I sat with myself.  I sat with my reasons and stripped it down.

I drank for boredom, for stress, to relax, to have fun, to fit in.

It gave me a buffer on reality.

Turns out, my sad is sadder than I thought.

My sober mornings are more glorious than I thought.

My blinders were stronger than I knew and removing them showed me some sadness and disappointment I’d rather not see.

My blinders had me focusing on positivity so much I forgot to acknowledge the disappointments and the let downs

I forgot disappointment is a part of life, too, and it’s ok to feel that way.

The caveat, I doubt I could’ve handled the reality of disappointment, there was so much else I had to sort and figure out first.  This is simply the next stage of my being: people let you down, and that’s ok.

Being fully present in life is better than consistently being half dulled.

Allowing the complexities of human beings allows their full existence.