Maybe some years are just meant to be horrible, and transformative.
I'd venture a guess that for most people that year comes after some major event. Divorce, marriage, childbirth, death. I can see where after life-changing events something needs to change within yourself to get you to the place where you can do this new form of your life.
Maybe the people who are stuck, depressed with life, disengaged, are those who never made the leap to what life is rather than what they thought it would be.
So perhaps it's a blessing. Perhaps it's a part of my character that while 35 has been horrible, I've fought it every step of the way, starting with saying "this isn't working, so I'm going to stop."
I love my family and friends and I love how supportive they are of me. But they will never be as supportive of me as he was. I know my friends and family love me incredibly, but they will never love me like he did. It's time I stopped expecting them to.
I will never again matter to anyone else in the same way I mattered to him, so it's time I started mattering to myself.
The whole point of building a new life is figuring out what works, and doing that. Fortunately for me, this has coincided with the year I turned 35. I am no longer a young woman. I am no longer even in my early 30's. For a girl who grew up envying her 80-year-old grandmother's life, this is freeing.
I've been making strides to this point for almost five and a half years now, but somehow 35 has made me say it's time. It's time to finally start living for myself.
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